Research+Journal

3-31: So today I got back my project planning sheet. I'm really excited to start. Knowing me, I'll probably lose the plan and have to start all over. But for now, I'm good! I think my project will really open people's eyes to the truth in literature. But for now, I am going to bed. As put by Andrew in our TAG tech project, "How can I think when I'm tired".

4-1: So I'm very tired. I think all the excitement kept me up. I'm not so excited anymore. My mind changes very quickly. I did no work once again today. I don't comprehend sticky notes very well. "Get started as soon as possible on these". No thanks. I'll sleep. PSA should be fun though!

4-2: I interviewed my father today. I found out he has a bias towards Native Americans. My question are: Why? What did Native Americans ever do to you? Shouldn't they hate you for taking over their land? His answer: From growing up around Indian reservations most of them, not all, but most, were druggies and alcholics. I don't neccessarily dislike them, just careful. I found out some of his best friends in high school were Native America. I called my Grandfather Huju today also to see if he disliked Native Americans. He said he did not like them but did not dislike them. "Niinpä niin" is what he said in Finnish. In English that means so-so. Asi asi in Spanish. I learned that today! I can't do anymore work. I can't stop thinking about Chebrai!

4-3: My Grandfather called today to see how my project was going. "Miten hanke?" Meaning "How is the project" in English. I never realized how much he speaks Finnish. So other than talking to my grandfather about my project, I didn't even think about it. Not good. I know.

4-4: Hai! That's hi in Finnish! I have nothing to say since I did nothing.

4-5: So I have nothing done. My mom says I have much more done than I think I do. It's all in my head. I just need to get past my sleep deprivation and laziness.

4-6: I talk a lot about sleep. Maybe instead of talking about it, I should do it. As they say, "Only say it if you can do it". I actually totally just made that up.

4-7: Nothing. Although the ad assignment is pretty amazing!

4-8: I feel bad for not doing anything yesterday. Not bad enough to do something today though.

4-9: I don't even know what I'm doing right now. I'm so confused. I'm overwhelmed. I have nothing to show for the work on my project. I did type this though! I guess that's something. It took me 37 minutes to now since I started typing this. I'm proud of myself though! 37 minutes on the computer and NO FACEBOOK!! I need to be proud of the small things or I'm not proud of anything.

4-10: If you couldn't tell by now, my mind is jumbled to the point of an impossible word find! I have so much stuff to do. I'm so tired! I've wasted almost TWO weeks writing this instead of actually doing something. Sleeping, facebook, and drama do not help a girl work! I still don't have much done.

4-11: Nothing.

4-12: I can't believe I have procrastinated so much! I actually can. I am so much like my brother Jacob. Procrastinating until the last second but freaking out right when I get the assignment! All this freaking out and becoming overwhelmed could be stopped if I wasn't so lazy. I'm beginning to think it's not because I'm lazy but because I don't want to work because then when I fail I'll have an excuse. That excuse would be that I didn't start until the week before. I think I should start working. I took a break for THREE hours to research stuff and plan! THREE hours of pointless research! THREE hours of nothing!! Maybe this project won't be as fun as I thought....

4-13: I interviewed my brother and decided interviews weren't really helping. Project is still no fun. I have no idea what I'm doing!!!!

4-14: WIKI! That was fun! Nothing on project.

4-15: Nothing. Nothing to say, nothing to do, nothing to something else. Actually a lot to do. But none of it is going to get done.... SORRY!

4-16: Notecards today! This is becoming more of a "research paper journal". I have nothing to say about the 4th quarter project....

4-17: I was working on my research wiki today and decided I should do that for the 4th quarter project. It easy to get to at school and home! So I can write in it whenever I have internet and I don't have to carry around a flashdrive that, knowing me, I would lose. So other then making a Wikispace and retyping this entire research paper, I have done... wait for it. You'll find it so surprising!- nothing done!! YAY!

4-18: I had solo and ensemble all day today so I got nothing done once again.

4-19: I had church today. It made me start thinking. But unfortunately, it was not the project. I started thinking about other stuff that made me unable to focus. So once again, nothing to show for the work!

4-20: This research journal is not showing how I'm reaching standards. It is proving my "possible set backs" were correct! Procrastinating, not finding time, overwhelmed!!

4-21: Wiki work! I got bored so I made it pretty! no work once again on the project. My research paper is going well though!

4-22: Outlining is so simple yet so hard! Nothing done on project again! I did have my outline done though. But Hobbs rules didn't follow the rubric so I had to redo it all!

4-23: The review of P.I.E. reminded me I should start working. I found some good pictures about racism.

4-24: I should get some reading done for my quotes.... Some other time. I'm going to sleep.

4-25: I couldn't figure out how to do the project. I decided it would be best- since I hadn't done much of anything- to change the subject to something more generalized. I only have a week and a few days to finish this huge project. Do I get points off for procrastinating? If so, do I get points back for being honest? HA! I wish life worked that way! That would be amazing!

4-26: So my new question is: How does literature tell us the truth? I'll use quotes from TKAM, R & J, and the Odyssey to show racism truths and prejudice truths. Also, I needed a way to attract people over to me. So I was thinking of balloons. Then I realized no one would really want to come over to me if I had a thing saying "Racism" or "Prejudice". People hear about that enough! So I thought of "Love is Physical". Using the Odyssey and R & J as the prime examples, I'll show that literature tells us love isn't physical! I'll bring them over and tear them down! Mwahahahaha!!!! So I think I'm getting excited again! YAY!

4-27: Not so excited today. Kind of tired actually. Don't know why. I slept pretty well last night (or is that good?). I'm going back to sleep. Can't focus, can't think, and can't work. So why stay up?

4-29: So today I finished a lot of my movie. I just need a few more quotes from literature then I will have everything I need to finish. I am so far behind my original plan but I think it'll be good. I didn't even realize until right now that the project is due in exactly a week. Well, minus a few hours. Maybe I won't finish. Especially considering I'm going out of town Saturday for a wedding. I'll be able to work still though. I can just jot down ideas and plan the layout for my scrapbook. Yes, one would be correct in saying I have not started that either! I am WAY to much like my brother. This is our cycle of work: Procrastination--> Freak out--> Procrastination--> Overwhelming--> Freak out because of the overwhelming making it even more overwhelming because we're not getting anything done. There is many more steps inbetween those. In fact, my brother is helping me right now. Giving me some ideas of books that talk about prejudice, racism, and physical love. Jacob reads sixty times more than I do. I still don't get how //Harry Potter// is about prejudice.... Things to ponder: //Harry Potter//, scrapbook layout, poster layout, life......

4-30: I can't focus right now so I am doing this instead of working on my research paper. People are angry. People are annoying. People need to learn how to close their mouths. As you can tell, I am quite frustrated. You may not want to read this, but I need to get this stuff out somehow so I can focus. So first off, my dad lost his job. We were waiting for SO long for the people to tell him if he could come back to work after a two week suspensions (with pay). Then, he had a meeting to talk to his boss at the office. His stupid boss said he was terminated but they would negotiate and allow my dad to resign. That way it looks better on his resume to get a new job. He decided he would fight the termination. We waited for so long to have his hearing. We waited even longer after his hearing to find out about the Management's decisions. They decided my dad would be terminated but they are "open for negotiation". My dad told them he wasn't interested in any negotiation unless he could get back to work. So he is currently unemployed, frustrated, VERY protective, and annoying me SO much. Since he lost his job, he's decided to "help around the house". His idea of helping is nagging me about every little thing! It does not help me! Want to "help around the house"? Pretend like life is still the same!!! So enough on that subject. Onto another crappy situation that is keeping me from focusing. Second of all, I have suddenly become friendless. Nicole "doesn't want to be friends. Ever again". Chebrai never really was and she's being quite "not nice" lately. Mykala is still a good friend but all my other "friends" are angry with her so I never get to hang out with her. Alina is having trouble with her father. As in Chebrai's problem that she told you about. Alina is cutting again. She won't tell me because I tell her not to. Because she shouldn't. I'm right aren't I? I don't even know what right is anymore.... Sami is angry with me because i guess I spend too much time with one certain friend. That friend is Katy. She has recently become very close to me. I trust her with so much more than anyone else. She neds me so much I do spend a lot of time with her. I invite her over more than anyone else because she's not safe at home. Either is Alina but she can never come over because her parents don't trust her. Although, her parents do like me more than her other friends. Becuase according to them, "I'm a good friend and a good infuence". I don't know what to do. I feel bad that I'm not working on my paper right now but I can't think when I'm so focused on other stuff. Third of all, school is becoming EXTREMELY overwhelming!! My homework for tonight and the weekend: Band- PRACTICE!! I have a concert on Tuesday! American History- Nothing. THANK GOD! Honors Biology- We watched a movie and took a quiz over it. I did not finish the quiz so I'm freaking out about that not knowing if he'll let me finish or if I'll have to fail. Either way I'll probably fail. Honors English- Research paper due Tuesday! I'm not doing aything on it until this weekend probably. 4th quarter project due on Thursday! So far behind! OVERWHELMING!!! This class makes me this way. Jeez Tomlinson! Ok. I am seriously freaking out. But to everyone on the outside it looks like I'm excessively typing at my paper. I am not typing my paper at all! I am venting. Venting is good! Orchestra- I need to find a new solo and practice that for Youth Symphony auditions. I have an orchestra concert on Monday I need to practice for. Geometry- I am so far behind on my assignments. I probably won't even be doing them. I hate that class so much. The "teacher"- if you can even call him that- is a jerk! He calls us stupid ALL THE TIME!! If he says one thing about my class or even one single person being stupid, I am going to FREAK OUT on him. I'm sick of him being able to say whatever he wants to. While the students can't talk at all! So the bell is going to ring. I will write later when I am home and actually working hopefully.... I'm baack! So I haven't worked on my project because I've been working on my paper since I didn't work on it in class today. I'm hungry though. So I am going to convince my parents to go to Pizza Hut. Then, I will come back and read to find quotes! I'm excited again! YAY! So I was reading TKAM to find some good quotes but a friend called and really needed me. I'm sorry to say, but friends and family come before school work. Especially when a friend is trying to avoid cutting herself. So while I'm talking to her, I will write this and look for pictures.

5-1: I am going to Minnesota tomorrow! I haven't been there since Christmas and I'm so excited I can't think. So instead of doing the "creative" layout for my scrapbook or poster, I am going ot read.

5-2: Today I am in Minnesota! I read TKAM and R & J on the way up and at random times when I wasn't doing anything. That is A LOT of work compared to the other days! My mother also kept interrupting my reading with some ideas. None of which I liked. They gave me ideas though. SO with the ideas I was able to plan the poster board and scrapbook. My movie is done except for the quotes (which is the most important part).

5-3: Today I came back from MN. The little vacation helped me calm down. I actually finished my research paper yesterday except for some citing I needed internet for. I did a lot yesterday! I'm proud of myself! Since I read R & J yesterday, I started the scrapbook. I'm done with the literature part. All I need now -to completely finish my project- is to: 1) Add quotes to my movie. 2) Add world events to prejudice scrapbook. 3) Print off scrapbook pages. 4) Find a timeline of the Odyssey. 5) Put poster board together. That actually doesn't look like much to do! I think I'm doing well! I already know what I'm doing for all of them except for the world events which I am going to go look up right now! I found the world events. I have the Odyssey timeline. All I have to do now is put everything together! Unlike my sister and brother, I won't have to stay up until 2 a.m. on Wednesday night!!! I even had my mom proofread my research paper today, but I'm saving the editing for tomorrow in class. I also read some of The Handmaid's Tale. It's really good! I'm surprisingly not worried about doing my job for Lit circle on Thursday. Now I need to go to bed so I can be at least half as prductive as I was today!

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5-7: TODAY IS THE DAY!! Big proyecto due!! I'm so nervous about the presentation. I practiced a lot! But I have a feeling I will get nervous right as I walk up to say my first words. It's like I'm a one year old again.